Trolley

I dont know if thats the right word... Wagon, trolley or cart, whatever...
Bianca took her first steps with her walking-wagon-trolley-cart... without us have to hold it!
Usually she falls forward but now she kept up with her little legs! Really fun to see!
It was just 3 or 4 steps but still! Its a steps in right direction!
I am not surprised if she would walk soon!
Standing up is no more a problem for her, she stands up against everything.
The table, chairs, our legs, the couch... She is getting around really fast now!!
She has been very whiny the past days, and she has been sleeping bad in the nights... But she has 2 teeth now! So i dont know if its that...

My brother is coming over in an hour-ish. He stop work at 2 and starts again at 4... He was going to work double-shift today or something, so he was wondering if he could stay here between :)
If the weather stays this way i will go with him and he can drop me of at dads grave.
I have been planning to go there for some time now and i think its about time i go.
I will take a candle with me aswell.
Its been raining kind of all day but now the sun is shining, so hopefully it stays like this.

Home alone

Not as fun as it sounds.

Its always so quite when Jeroen is not home and Bianca is sleeping.

She was awake from 13.10-17.30 so it was a while! Now she is sleeping though and i just came in with Zelda.

Jeroen was first at Adecco this morning, and he came home for lunch, then he went back to town again... Or to Svärdsjö cause he is going to finish his hunting exam! Hope for the best, he promised he would give me a massage if he passed ;)
And i think, and hope he will!
I will prepair some dinner for him when he comes home. Some garlicbread in the oven, some meat, potatoes and paprica/onion sause! Yummie!

Bianca had a really good day today! She has been happy! Tomorrow i am going to the dentist with her, and after that we are going to visit my dads grave and light a candle for him :)
He hasnt seen Bianca since june so its about time! I miss him so much :(

Oh well, today im having a good day so i dont want to think sad thoughts... I will think how happy he was during his last weeks, months of his life.

Its almost been 2 years... We will see what we will put together (all siblings). We always honor my dad on that date, same as we do on his birthday. Which is soon aswell.

Oh well... I was thinking of taking a bath before i start dinner... We will see :)

I will give you a picture of my beautiful daughter and my beautiful puppy!
Laters!

Teeth

Bianca got her first tooth! Its coming through now!

Everything is happening so fast now! Mummy having problems with following!
I think Bianca should slow down!

I mean... She is sitting, carwling, standing... And now teeth!

I love her so much!

Mummys biggest pride in life! I´m so proud of her!

Early morning

We are already up, me, Jeroen, Bianca and Zelda... Bianca was awake around 4 this morning again, dont know why she started to do that... Probably since she is sleeping in our room while Laura and Theo are here and she hears every move we make and every sound. She is used to a quite room. And Zelda sleeps in the bench in our room aswell and she has not really gotten used to it yet so she can be whiny aswell.

Oh well, shit happens. Bianca had food around 5, and then we putted her to bed half an hour later and she slept another hour and then woke up again with a full diaper.

I am a bit tired... Didnt sleep well, its so warm in our room now but we cant have the window open when we have Bianca in our room.

We hade a nice little grill-evening last night. Lots of good food and talking!

Today Jeroen and Theo are going away, Jeroen is making the exam today. And me, Laura and Bianca will stay home for a nice girly day. We will watch some movie, make nice lunch, facemasks and just hang out. Will be nice! Seems it will be nice weather aswell so maybe we will take a walk aswell, you have to enjoy the few last days of sun now when the fall is coming running! The leaves are already yellow the degrees are already falling to around zero.

Zelda is running around with her ball, when it rolls over the floor some snack will fall out.

She has been very hyper active this morning so we give her something to do :)

She cant really go for a long walk yet, she is only 10 weeks.

I´m starting to get hungry... Maybe we should eat soon.

Probably will come pictures on facebook from our day today :)

Pappa

Det här inlägget tänker jag skriva på svenska... Orkar inte sitta och översätta just nu...

Precis ätit, och är mätt som bara den.

När jag satt och gav Bianca mat så började jag tänka på pappas begravning... Det är 1 år och 11 månader sedan han gick bort.... 1 år och 11 månader sedan han förlorade kampen mot cancern.

Jag saknar honom något så otroligt jämt, och önskar att han kunde finnas med oss i livet.

Jag hade kunnat göra vad som helst... Bara för att få spendera några minuter, timmar, dagar, veckor, år med pappa... Det är inte rättvist...

Jag minns fortfarande när Nenne ringde den där månaden när jag satt och pluggade hemma hos några tjejkompisar. Vi skulle ha tenta den veckan i Skolans historia.

Nenne ringde och sa att jag skulle komma hem direkt. Väl hemma berättade hon att det inte fanns något mer de kunde göra för pappas cancer... Han skulle dö väldigt snart... Det kändes så overkligt liksom... Men även då tänkte man att "han överlever väl ett tag till"... Men så blev det inte... Vi förlorade kontakten med honom mer och mer och under torsdagen var han inte ens kontaktbarn, hans kropp hade börjat stänga ner.

På fredag morgon, tidigt, kommer Anders upp och väcker oss och säger att vi måste komma ner, det är påväg att ta slut.

Min underbara pappas liv höll på att ta slut.

Vi stog där allihopa, hela familjen och såg på när pappa drog sitt sista andetag.

Såg när han drog vidare till andarnas värld (om det finns något sånt). Himlen kanske?

Jag hoppas innerligt att han har det mycket bättre där än det lidande han fick gå igenom här i sin sjukdom. Jag vet att han var lycklig för vad han hade, men jag vet också hur ont han hade. Han sa det inte alltid, men det syntes...

Fan va jag saknar dig pappa!!! Det är så svårt att hålla tårarna tillbaka när jag skriver detta... Men jag vill inte gråta när vi har besök, då ska vi vara glada....

Och jag har varit glad hela dagen, det har varit en riktigt bra dag! Jag har kännt mig lycklig...

Men nu så bara försvann allt...

Jag tänker på allt vi har gjort, alla minnen.

Och det jag först kommer att tänka på är såklart Billhamn! Du bara älskade att vara där, och vi också. Vi kanske uppskattade det lite mer på senare dagar men jag har bara bra minnen därifrån!

High Chaparall, dit du var så glad att vi ville ta med en "gammal gubbe" som du. Klart vi ville! Det var den sista sommaren vi hade med dig... Och vi njöt som bara den där nere! I vilda western, där du hörde hemma ;) Vår alldelles egen Clintan.

Jag tänker på alla dom dagarna du har spenderat bakom huset, med din kaffetermos och bara tittat ut över vattnet och brukä. Det var liksom du...

Jag tänker på alla älgjakter vi har haft tillsammans, och hur många älgar du har skjutit när jag har varit där. Nu när du är borta har det intresset liksom falnat... Det var du som höll intresset brinnande... Nu när du är borta känns det liksom inte roligt längre...

Jag saknar dig pappa, och jag älskar dig gränslöst! Och kommer alltid att göra..

Walking

Her first steps with the wagon she has! Movie is on its way on facebook, i dont know how to explain it to the dutch people... A wagon she can lean on to learn to walk, kind of...

She is so cute and so much is happening! I am so proud of her! Its insane how much love you feel for your children... My heart just rinning over with love for her.

Me and Laura were to Maxi today and bought food and new clothing for Bianca for the winter, see the picture! She is just the cutest thing ever!
I so love the picture!!! My little princess, my daughter. My daughter, mine and Jeroens. Noone elses... We created her, we raise her... Our daughter... You almost get tears in your eyes...

Its amazing that i have such a beautiful, smart, cute daughter!

We are going to grill tonight! And tomorrow Jeroen is going to to his hunting-exam, and i wish him all the luck! I hope he will make it! And i think so since he studied so hard for it!

Laura, me and Bianca are going to do some nice lunch, facemasks and just take it easy! Okay, maybe Bianca wont have a mask but you get the idea ;)

Today has been such a good day! I am so happy!

I watched 2 lectures for school aswell, 1 that was from this week and 1 that i should watch for next week, so i am a little in front.

Oh well, we are soon going to enjoy a really nice dinner!

Ciao!

A while ago

Yes it was a while ago that i wrote here...

Havent really had anything to write that is not already on Facebook...

Life goes on pretty much as normal. Bianca is growing way to fast. She is crawling for real, not only dragging herself with her hands, and she can stand up by herself aswell now, we saw that yesterday!

We have Jeroens sister Laura and her boyfriend Theo here for visit. They stay until thursday. We had some great days! Me and Laura went to Borlänge for some shopping the other day, they have been looking around the woods here, we had lots of good food and drinks, movienights and so on! On monday we are going bowling, and my sister is going to babysit Zelda and Bianca. Oh yeah, Zelda is our dog. We got a dog! A mix between Flatcoated retriever, irish setter and labrador. She is supercute! So now i guess we are the "perfect" family with child and a dog, haha.

Only the Volvo that is missing.

School so far is going good, only had 1 seminar so far but it went alright.

I miss some of my friends, Evelina, Sandra, Rebecca, Emma, Andreas..... Decided with some of them to meet up sometime... Hope it will be soon.

Oh well... Dont really have anything else to write at the moment...